Why do I attract toxic people?
If this is something you’d found yourself thinking about, rest assured you’re not alone.
Unfortunately, some of the nicest people end up having a lot of traits that draw toxic people to them like a moth to a flame.
From toxic friends, toxic parents, toxic grandparents, work colleagues, a toxic boyfriend or toxic girlfriend and even the dreaded toxic mother in law!
These toxic relationships can lead to you being manipulated and facing plenty of narcissistic behaviour.
The full transcript of this video is available below.
Why do I attract toxic people?
If you have ever wondered why you constantly run into bad people, bad friends, bad relationships, you probably think that well, you are incredibly unlucky.
You’ve actually looked deep within yourself and realized that you are missing out on the toxic red flag radar that everyone else seems to have.
The sad truth is that until you find out what the things are that attract a toxic person to you, (like a moth to a flame). Sadly you will keep on manifesting relationships with toxic people.
Until you know exactly, what it is you need to stop doing.
Take it as a huge compliment because a toxic person on the inside is very unhappy, they are going to lack any hope and faith that their situation will actually improve. They want to be around you because you are amazing.
You make them feel special and incredibly important so you are attracting toxic people because you are resonating with amazing bright happiness. So yeah you guessed it, you’re gonna have to learn to tone down your brightness in just small fragments. So that you can reinforce your boundaries to stop people from walking all over you. If you want to know a little bit more about what attracts toxic people to you then stay tuned.
My name is Anna and welcome to the video.
You are too empathetic
The very first thing is you are far too empathetic. Being sensitive and compassionate to someone’s needs and wants is a beautiful trait to have however it’s like bait to a toxic person.
They will literally feed on your compassion because the supply is endless. You will notice a toxic person constantly plays the victim card and talks about their bad situation.
They know that this will tug on your heartstrings, meaning that they can manipulate you to do whatever they want. Now a big tip of how to move forward with new relationships is to actually trust your gut.
So does this person make you feel happy? Or do you feel sorry and willing to improve their situation for them?
You never walk away
Toxic people have figured you out before you even psychoanalyzed yourself. They know that they can keep coming back to you and they keep coming back time and time again. You let them.
You may have a friend who never calls you to ask, how you are, it’s just them to offload their emotions onto you. Or perhaps a member of the family that always calls you asking for huge favours yet they don’t return that favour. Chances are that you find it hard to tell people to stuff it.
The confrontation to say no is so painful and even if you feel deep down that you need to let them go, you end up keeping them around.
Remember if you don’t tell them, that you want them to stop walking over you, they’re gonna continue to do so.
You are far too generous
You may find yourself constantly lending money to someone and then giving them more than what they asked for. Or even telling them you know what, don’t worry about paying me back it’s okay. Guess what this will happen, time and time again and they will keep coming back for more.
Your supply of generosity is endless so if there’s no boundary in place. They will keep on taking which could be, your money, your food, your clothing or even your time.
You want to fix them
We all struggle to not offer solace and give someone what they want and need If we can afford to give it away.
You however take on more responsibility for other people than you should. This need to fix and help other people means that you are always putting yourself out of your own way.
A toxic person loves a person like you because they get to continue to complain but also seek benefits from you without achieving the issue for themselves.
You are not responsible for anyone’s choices or actions no matter if that’s a friend or a romantic partner.
Nine times out of ten, you are overcompensating and giving to other people because you worry that you will be the bad person with no value if you are not helping someone else.
You are a pushover
Do you hate confrontation? Like we just mentioned because a toxic person knows that you hate that and they love this fact about you, they know that they can get what they want.
You will never say no, you won’t tell them when they overstep the boundary, meaning that they always get what they want at your expense. If they have learned that you always keep your cool, you are always patient and always kind you become a very easy target to a toxic person.
You are too positive
In comparison to a toxic person, you are the type of amazing person that always sees the brighter side of life and the metaphorical glass is always full.
You are quick to revolt back to happiness after a mild setback.
Now, this is a great quality obviously but to a toxic person, they know that they can constantly take and take from you. Well, you will never show a negative side, your positive kind aurora makes them feel great but it’s always a beacon for continuous taking and not giving the type of behaviour.
You do not expect people to be toxic towards you
Now the world is sadly full of well a lot of bad toxic people. I get it, it’s hard to believe that there are malicious individuals out there. They don’t care about anyone else apart from themselves and their own wins and goals.
Due to your mindset, you will assume everyone has a good nature which makes you naive. Now you don’t doubt people because you always want to see the good in them and you don’t actually believe people could lie to your face. Sadly this is what attracts a toxic person to you.
If they know that you think, the world is always rosy full of flowers and cuddly bears, you will always believe them.
You will look after their needs and sadly you need to build your toxic flag tracker.
If you expect everyone to be nice and just as kind and pleasant as you, you won’t ever know that you have entered into another toxic relationship until the situation becomes dire.
You are a good listener
These are all amazing traits by the way but it’s like you have a natural ability to just let people talk about themselves without any input from you.
You’re so patient, you have been very kind and thinking that you are doing a nice thing, which you are. However, have you ever noticed how much other people might do the talking but then how little you actually say in conversations.
Maybe you don’t get a chance because people talk over you. People think you are a great listener as opposed to a great person to have a conversation with, they will continue to offload their problems and talk at you, instead of with you.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in an hour-long conversation, where someone doesn’t really include you in the conversation. Yet you are on the other end of the phone, it could be that this person actually displays toxic traits and they are putting their emotional offloading above you, your needs and your time.
A toxic person loves getting people’s full attention and when they come to you they feel amazing.
They love talking about themselves and well nothing more.
You want people to like you
Another reason is that you want people to like you. If you want a new person to like you or anyone for that matter, you may feel a little bit more inclined to give them a little bit more attention than you feel you should.
You want to impress them with your compassion. You let them talk for hours and give them what they need hoping that they will like you more.
However, this willingness to put up with anyone’s behaviour for a short while to make them feel good. Will only attract toxic people.
Remember that these types of people are only out for themselves and their own needs.
So by starting straight off in a relationship with them not thinking about you, is toxic.
Give to people without expecting anything back. Well, they are going to lap this up like a kitten and a bowl of milk.
You give up your time easily
You are a very generous, amazing person and you let people snap up your time.
Toxic people will pick up on this immediately. They want you to be there for them the moment that they need you. So they’re expecting quick replies to your emails. They want you to return missed calls and to fulfil their needs within seconds.
If you haven’t laid down a boundary and limited your free time, they will continue to abuse your time.
You are too open about your goals
If you are working towards big things it could be business goals, career plans or self-development. You will without a doubt meet a toxic person who would try to bring you down a peg or two. They don’t want you to do better than them. They want you to stay on their level very vanilla-like.
Perhaps they fear the realization that if you do good, then it means they are a nobody. So try to keep your ideas and goals to yourself. As soon as you tell the world your new adventure.
You attract toxic people who would try to feed off your amazing qualities to somehow gain something for themselves.
You don’t respect yourself
This one’s a little bit sad but you don’t respect yourself.
If you do not respect your own time, your own finances and your values. You will find it’s a lot easier to let other people use them up for you.
Instead, if you have ever wondered why other people have more status. More money, better living arrangements, it’s because they have kept their head down and worked on achieving something.
Instead of spending time with other people.
If a toxic person thinks, you don’t respect yourself well they will definitely abuse you because you are nice, kind and generous.
Thank you!
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Have an amazing day and see you soon.