When it comes to learning how to be in a relationship there are some things you might want to focus on first.
From your emotional happiness, jealousy issues, confidence, self-worth, communication and even your finances.
If you want to have a successful, happy relationship then it pays to be on top of these things first!
The full transcript of this video is available below.
How to be in a relationship – fix these 15 things first
Sometimes we lose ourselves in relationships and we completely forget who we once were.
If you grew up with a less than perfect childhood, you are sadly more likely to go into relationships when you are not ready. However even for those of you watching that had a great upbringing, there are still tons that you can learn to improve your relationships.
Today’s video will hep you learn what skills that you need to guarantee that you are mentally ready to enter into a new relationship.
My name is Anna and stay tuned.
Be ready to take on another persons life
Before you enter your next relationship, you need to know why you want to be in a relationship and fully understand what is expected of you. Because you can’t go into a partnership assuming it will only ever be someone servicing your needs and making you happy. You need to be able to show up for someone else.
To take on their bad days and to support their dreams, goals and passions.
Don’t let jealousy ruin a good thing
If you have once been cheated on, you become well, hyper aware of your next partner’s actions in case it happens again. However, this stops you from truly enjoying your relationship and also holding doubt over your partner. Which isn’t fair if they are completely innocent. You need to value yourself and the relationship to prevent your head from jumping to conclusions.
Of course if your partner’s actions do make you feel insecure then you need to talk to them about how you feel.
Jealousy also means that you need to support and congratulate your partner. Even if they achieved something that you wanted, you need to be able to separate your emotions from the situation and celebrate that promotion with your partner.
Even if you do feel a little bit jealous.
Have full control of your finances
Strangely this is never mentioned as a must-have as a check-in before you start a relationship.
It’s vital you need to be able to stick to your own budget and maintain control which means no impulsive gifts for your other half or spending lavishly on a present you don’t need to impress your other half.
Know what a healthy relationship actually looks like
Have a look around your family and your friend’s circle and find a genuine couple. Who are there for each other and honour it. Take a look and see how you can apply it.
It could even be that your parents relationship is pretty unhealthy.
Even though that was the first relationship you probably think of, you need to learn and experience how two people interact with each other.
When they love each other and want to fulfil each other’s needs. If you can’t see this in the people around you, you can research healthy functional relationships online and read about it.
Enjoy your alone time
It becomes a habit to spend every single minute with the person that you are dating and it makes sense. We get so infatuated with them and we strive to spend all of our time together however maintaining your independence is crucial to staying happy. Don’t feel guilty if you have been hanging out with your other half and then you have that urge to want some alone time.
It’s perfectly normal, this means you have your own time away from the relationship to focus on your self-care.
Enjoy your hobbies and relax.
This means that you need to reinforce your hobbies and interests. From the start don’t give up a sports class just because that’s the only night your girlfriend or crush is free for a date.
This also includes being happy to be on your own because otherwise if you hate the feeling of being alone, you become lonely and seek out a relationship to stop that fear of being alone. Meaning you’re a lot likely to date someone that’s bad for you or someone that is just not really worth your time.
As you are using them as a security post instead of just loving them for them.
Be happy
You were happy before you entered a relationship and you are less likely to actually abandon yourself when you do have that full-time relationship.
Being happy could mean enjoying your friend’s company or going out on your own. When you start a new relationship being happy about yourself and life is incredible.
If you do you end up dating, emotionally available people that love you and support you.
Love yourself
Cliché I know but you can’t fully enter into a healthy relationship without loving yourself first. This means that you like who you are you, know your strengths and weaknesses and you can adapt to things when needed.
You can stand up for yourself and say no to things that you don’t want.
You also listen to your gut, you need to feel worthy of healthy love by someone who cherishes you because if you don’t believe that you are lovable, you will attract abusive partners.
If you don’t know how to love yourself well how can you expect someone to love you in the way that you hope for.
Self-love sets your boundaries and protects you from hurt and it also gives you the resilience needed to walk away from bad relationships, if you have to.
So speak up for yourself, express your feelings and don’t be scared to ask for what you want.
Be humbly you
I’m sure most of us have had relationships, where we end up morphing into someone that we aren’t. Just to keep that other person happy we may deny ourselves something such as food, entertainment, wearing a certain flowery Hawaiian shirt because our partner doesn’t like it.
You should never stop doing something that you like just because your partner doesn’t find it cool. This applies to forcing yourself to do something that you hate. Never lie about who you are and do not make changes unless it is your decision.
Maintain your stress relief
Okay, it can be so easy to take things out on your partner when you have had a bad day. Instead, you need an outlet to de-stress. This could be kickboxing gaming or even going to the gym and you need to be able to incorporate this into your weekly routine and stick in it.
Become the master of communication
Relationships are all about communication and compromise. You can’t expect your partner to read your mind.
We recommend that you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. That way you understand what your love needs and your partners.
You can find ways to communicate, to have your needs met because sometimes you could be asking your partner to love you in a way they’ve never experienced.
A lack of communication will cause arguments for a variety of different things so you need to be able to ask for your wants and needs without feeling that you need to shy away.
Be emotionally healthy
You have to be emotionally healthy.
An emotionally unhealthy person is very unaware of how their actions affect those around them.
They may try to divert the attention back to them or act disinterested in conversations of topics they don’t like.
You need to be certain of who you are and how your actions affect those around you. Make sure that you are a lovely person inside and outside the relationship.
Keep pursuing your passions
Don’t give up something just because you are in a relationship. If you are working on a side hustle please don’t give it up, keep pushing through and don’t prioritize your partner’s needs over your passions unless it’s an emergency.
If they don’t fully support what you do maybe they aren’t someone that deserves your time.
This means you have to be your own personal cheerleader, you need to take full responsibility for your life. Stop living for your partner and friends. Improve your situation and obviously focus on you. When you pursue a passion, let’s say for the first two hours in the morning every day, you work on building a business so that you can leave your corporate nine to five.
When you enter a relationship, you keep on working those two hours a day non-stop put yourself first and stop lowering your life standards. Just to please and make someone else happy.
Create a good life
Some people don’t have a life outside of relationships. Which is lonely and very unhealthy. It means they make their partner the sole focus of their life.
You need to make sure that you are your own separate person with things going on, yet you guys are able to meet in the middle to form a relationship and then break away when you need to.
A relationship cannot fulfil all of your wants and needs. It’s too much to ask someone to do that so make sure that your life without a partner is amazing.
Manage your time well
When it’s just you with your plans well you could be a little bit late because there are no direct consequences.
In a partnership you have to respect the other person’s time as well.
So learn to show up on time, plan ahead so that you aren’t rushing around last minute and be very willing to leave parties early.
Seek help for your baggage
Sadly we are not talking about someone giving you a hand, carrying your suitcase from the coach to your holiday apartment. We actually mean your past trauma luggage.
You need to be aware of what you are bringing to the relationship, do you have any past unresolved traumas? Abusive relationships that you are latching on to? Or emotionally unavailable parents?
This means that you need to work through these issues before you enter a relationship.
Whether this is through self-help guided reading or even seeking help from a therapist. You need to be aware of how your past will affect your current state. So that you can work on this now.
It doesn’t mean that you need to have fully resolved your past before you date someone. It just means you need to be actually conscious of this. Make an effort to change in order to be able to date someone. Make sure they are also happy to date you.
Thank you!
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Have an amazing day and see you soon.