How do I get a girlfriend? You know this is probably the question I get asked the most. It’s a long question to actually try and answer. But it’s also the most important dating advice you will ever need to know. Getting a girlfriend is the ultimate end goal. It is what you are all striving for and trying to achieve. You know, someone to spend cosy nights with and explore different countries with. A soulmate that you can spend the rest of your life with, eventually buying a home and having children if you wish.
It’s not much to ask for but sometimes it does feel like a real struggle to find. But in today’s video I’m going to talk you through the 25 steps that you need to take to get yourself a girlfriend.
How to get a girlfriend
Fix your mindset
Before you even think about getting a girlfriend you need to do some serious work on your mindset. It all starts with you and if you are not in a healthy place when you go to enter into a relationship then the relationship is not going to last very long or be very enjoyable. You need to be a better man than you are right now. Think about your own values and morals, is anything missing? Could anything be improved? Then start working on these. Figure out what you want from life and how you want to live your life. Often when we get into relationships we start changing because we think it will make the other person like us better. Then one day we realise we have changed and we suddenly want to be ourselves again so we leave. You don’t want this because you want the relationship to work so work on your mindset first and then start working towards getting a girlfriend.
Don’t be desperate and let woman come to you
Women are not attracted to desperate men and they can smell it a mile off. Yes we do like it when we have to chase men a little but it is not only this, we want a man who is confident enough to wait for us to come to him. Don’t be the desperate guy, be the confident guy.
Let a woman come to you if for example you are in a room together. Don’t run up to her and start trying to get her attention. This is important because you want to look confident and like she would be lucky to speak to you, not the other way around.
Be a high value man
This step ties into both having a good mindset and not being desperate. Once you have your mindset right, you will be considered a high value man. Also high value men are never desperate. They understand that the person they are supposed to be with will come to them when they are ready and will love them for who they are. To make sure that you are as high value as you can be, work on your mindset and being the best possible version you can be of yourself.
Find a way to meet woman
This step may seem obvious because how will you get a girlfriend without meeting girls but it is a very necessary thing to mention. You need to figure out a way to meet girls before you actually meet them. This could be through dating apps or a bar you know always has lovely ladies in, maybe even at work. Wherever it is, make sure you have a plan. Where you meet them might depend on what type of lady you want so keep this in mind.
Work on your style
A stylish, fashionable wardrobe is essential when it comes to wowing a woman. You need to look slick and sexy so that you can make the best first impression ever. Here is a top tip: create a stylish capsule collection. Which includes two tops, some jeans, a smart dinner outfit and some smart jumpers to wear with the tops and jeans. You will also need a sporty outfit and some shoes for all of the above so a casual shoe, a sporty shoe and a dress shoe. This will make sure that you have all of the basics covered!
Grow your social circle
It is important that when you do find a girlfriend, you have your own life and your own friends. Not only will this make you more attractive to her but it will also mean that you can remove yourself when she might need space. The other important reason for growing your social circle of course is because when you do this you often meet new people. Friends introduce you to their friends and you start to meet people you would have never otherwise come across. You are more likely to stumble upon a potential love interest along the way.
Work on your alpha male confidence
You don’t need to be an alpha male to have alpha male confidence. Women love powerful men who are slightly mysterious and confident within themselves. Alpha males are considered the top of the social hierarchy and always have a lot of confidence. The trick here is not to be obnoxious with your confidence but to be able to chat to girls without seeming nervous.
Use these 5 skills to ask woman on dates
I am going to walk you through 5 skills/steps to asking a woman on a date. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that these will change your life and make it much easier to pick up women. You may have used some of these before but it is important that you use them in this order so that you can achieve the most success.
This is the first step in the process. This is the part where you walk up to her with confidence, looking as good as possible and make the best first impression ever. Let your outfit and walk do the talking here.
Don’t try to plan for this part, just be yourself and it will all work out. Honestly I get it, talking to a woman is scary but it is vital if you are going to land her. Start with a quick introduction and then tell her why you are speaking to her. This is a great way to break the ice and show her how confident you are. For example you could say “Hi I am Jack, I saw you standing by yourself over here and didn’t want you to be alone”.
Now that the initial small talk is out of the way, it is time to build a connection with her. The actual topic and mood of the conversation will depend on the situation you are both in. For example if you are at a wedding you can talk about how great the party is but if you were at a funeral well this would not be appropriate. Try to take the conversation from small talk to personal as quickly as possible. You can do this by asking her questions about her life, where she works and her hobbies. This will allow her to open up to you.
It’s time to escalate, which means to flirt a little! You need to show the woman that you are looking for more than friendship and you don’t want her to friendzone you immediately.
Remember that this is your first time meeting so don’t go in too hard. Flirt a little and then let her do some work as well. Try not to make the flirting overly sexual.
It’s time to seal the deal. You have done all you can and it’s time to take a risk. Ask her for her number or on a date, whichever seems more appropriate at the time. If she gives you either, well done you have successfully got yourself through to the next level.
Work on your anxiety when approaching a lady
It is very common to feel nervous or anxious when approaching a lady in fact every man (even Ryan Reynolds) has experienced it. The trick is, using it in a way that benefits you. Take some time to learn some anxiety coping techniques like breathing exercises or focusing on what you can see and smell. This should help you to control your anxiety and increase your confidence when you are making the approach.
Try not to take rejection personally
Only because you have done the five steps above does not mean that the girl will say yes to a date or to giving you her number. You might not be her type and she may reject you. If this is the case it is important that you handle it with grace and do not take the rejection personally. You are still great but you are just not the person for her and that is ok. Move on and keep your head held high.
Go on dates
The best way to find a girlfriend is to go on dates. It is important that you go on as many dates as possible so that you can practise all of your skills and perfect them. It also helps to keep your skills sharp which is important in the dating world.
Use ‘plate theory’ to explore your options
Have you ever been to the circus and seen the guy or girl who spins plates? They can spin 5 or 6 plates at once on top of sticks and if one starts to slow down, they catch it. I am sure you are wondering how this applies to getting a girlfriend. Well it’s simple, you need to date and juggle multiple women so that you can find the one. Dating one person at once is a slow process, there is nothing wrong with dating more than one woman as long as you are open and honest about it.
Control your competition anxiety
When it comes to dating there is competition, just like you might be dating multiple women, a lady could be dating multiple men. You need to think like a sports star and block out distractions. Don’t spend your time worrying about whether another man is better than you are. Focus on the fact that you think you are the best person for the lady you are dating. Bring your best self to the table and hey if she decided to go for the other guy, then it was not meant to be.
Narrow down your options
By now you might have been using plate theory for a while. You have dated multiple women and you have had fun. It’s time to rain it in and pick the girl you think is the best partner for you. It’s time to narrow down your options so that you can move onto the next steps which are to turn dating into a relationship.
Escalate to a relationship
Let the woman do this part. You could escalate the relationship by starting the talk with her but in the long run she will start to not see you as a high value man. She wants to work for you a little so let her do this part. You might have to wait awhile and it might be moving slower than you would like but be patient and it will happen.
Continue to prioritize your growth as a man
Don’t ever let a lady take over your life. You don’t want to lose all the hard work you put into your mindset and working on yourself. You still want to have your own personal values and morals. You also want to spend time with friends still and not be controlled by her. Before taking this big step check in with yourself and make sure you will be able to be yourself if you get into a relationship with her.
Display your increased interest in her by prioritizing her over other woman
You need to let her know that you have stopped seeing other women. This is how she will know that you are serious and ready to commit to her. Casually drop into the conversation that you have stopped dating other ladies or that you have deleted your dating apps, she will get the picture.
Be your single self until she starts ‘the talk’
Continue to live your single life without dating another woman until she decides to have the talk. Don’t become a boyfriend and do boyfriend duties until she has this talk with you. If she is taking a long time then you can mention to her that you really like her and looking for someone who can commit to you.
Make agreements with each other
You have had the talk and have decided to become girlfriend and boyfriend. This is great news and it proves that these steps work. Now you need to make agreements with each other so that you can have a healthy and happy relationship. Make sure you set out some ground rules and make it clear what you expect from her and ask her what she expects from you.
Be a man of integrity
Keep to your word. If you have made these agreements with her make sure you stick to your end of the bargain and do what you have said you would. The same goes for her, make sure she sticks to her end of the agreement. If she does not you can pull her up on it and ask her why she is not. Remember that you really wanted a girlfriend so be honest, be trustworthy and always act with integrity.