Are you finding it hard to get past the first date?
Are you wondering if there’s something you’re saying or doing wrong that just stops you from getting a second date?
Maybe there’s a gesture that you make that really puts women off, and you have no idea what it is.
Well, we’ve got you covered. We’ve done some digging, some investigating, shall we say and discovered a few things you should avoid doing and talking about when you start dating. Interested? Good, let’s get into it!
Are you putting them off another date?
Obviously, you want to talk about what’s going on in your life, but if that includes weekly trips to therapy to address your aversion to intimacy or paralyzing self-hatred, leave that aspect of your weekly schedule out.
Avoid beginning any sentences with “My therapist says” or “Last week in therapy…” There is absolutely no shame in it but use caution when choosing to whom and when to disclose the specifics of your mental self-care.
It’s also acceptable to keep some things a mystery.
Remember, this is a first date; nobody needs to know the tiniest details about you too soon.
Everybody has funny stories that they would love to share on a first date. Stories that show a woman just how fun you are to be around. Stories of wild parties are frequently “you had to be there” events, if they result in momentary memory loss.
Additionally, you don’t want your date to have an immediate mental picture of you forcing a friend to carry a blow-up doll or don a veil covered in condoms. The last point is that whatever occurs in Vegas should really stay in Vegas. Don’t go breaking that unbreakable rule.
It’s important to remember that during this stage, you’re getting to know her boundaries, and she is getting to know yours. You may be a wild animal on a night out, and she may not like to drink alcohol at all.
Some stories can scare her off before you’ve had a chance to show her the other parts of you; be careful what you share.
If you two met at a church or seminary, it should be alright. Otherwise, however, refrain from discussing yours, asking about theirs, or criticizing anyone else’s religion because you never know what the other person has gone through.
It’s always better to focus on finding common ground and building a respectful relationship based on shared values and interests.
Remember that diversity is what makes our world beautiful and interesting, so let’s celebrate it instead of creating unnecessary conflicts.
Your job is probably boring, unless you’re an astronaut or a porn star.
Don’t discuss the specifics of your workplace, your co-workers, or your boss; save all of that boring work-related information for your friends.
And be cautious when asking about theirs. They most likely don’t want to talk about or explain their work if they hate it or if it’s complicated.
It’s okay to ask about it or be asked about it, but my advice would be to give a brief overview and then move onto something outside of your 9-to-5.
Instead, try to find common interests or hobbies that you both enjoy and talk about them.
This can help build a stronger connection and make the conversation more enjoyable for both parties.
Children and their potential importance to you have been a topic of conversation for many, dates past the first, unless you already have some, in which case disclosure of their existence is necessary.
This includes viewpoints on the methods of childrearing used by others, vaccinations, and circumcision. It’s a subject with a ton of opportunity to disappoint or offend your date. Leave it out entirely.
It’s best to focus on getting to know your date as an individual and building a connection based on shared interests and values.
Once you have established a strong rapport, you can gradually introduce more personal topics like family and children.
Nothing ruins a mood more quickly than discussing a recent violent crime in the area that you saw on the news.
It is important to be aware of the news and stay informed, but it is also important to take breaks from it and focus on positive things in life to maintain a healthy mindset.
The topic you chose might cause your date to start looking for the nearest exit if they already think you’re a little shaky.
When you start talking about the tragic or gruesome, people start to wonder about your mental health.
It’s best to stick to lighter topics that allow you both to relax and enjoy each other’s company.
You can talk about your hobbies, favorite movies, or even share funny stories from your past experiences.
Their eating habits
Do not criticize how much or how little your date drinks or eats.
Actually, there’s no justification for doing this with anyone.
Making sure someone knows you’re paying close attention to their appetites is a sure-fire way to make them feel more like a subject being studied than a real person.
It’s important to respect people’s choices and allow them to enjoy their meals or drinks without feeling judged.
Remember that everyone has different preferences and needs, and it’s not your place to comment on them.
You’re not the King of the World, so don’t go around picking other people and their habits apart just because they differ from yours.
Be careful not to name-drop. Impressive contacts ought to remain on your phone rather than in your mouth.
Insecurity and the impression that you are less interesting than the famous people you may know are communicated when you go out of your way to bring them up.
In the nicest way possible, nobody cares who’s in your contacts. The woman is on a date with you, not them, so don’t name drop them to get some extra points.
And if it did get you some extra points, would you want to date somebody who is only interested because of the friends and connections you have?
Again, you don’t rule the World, so don’t criticize other people in their job roles to make yourself look or feel better.
Any service provider you might meet on a first date falls under this category. Rudeness towards servers is a huge red flag and is exceedingly difficult to overcome.
The same holds true for leaving small tips. In particular, women observe and evaluate a date’s character based on how he treats and compensates servers.
Therefore, it is important to treat service providers with respect and kindness, not only because it is the right thing to do but also because it can impact how they perceive you.
Remember that small gestures of appreciation, such as leaving a generous tip, can go a long way in making a good impression.
Regarding a partner’s personal grooming, it’s acceptable to have preferences. Going off on physical specifics you don’t yet have first-hand knowledge of is not acceptable.
Wait until you’ve decided whether or not you’d like the opportunity to see this person naked before describing how hairy legs are dirty or shaved chests are childish.
It’s important to be respectful and open-minded when it comes to personal grooming preferences.
Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to decide how they want to present themselves, and it’s important to accept and appreciate them for who they are.
Your sex drought
Especially if it just occurred or if it has been a very, very long time. Discussing a protracted dry spell is depressing and will lead your date to suspect that you might not be particularly good at sex.
Disclosing recent sexual experiences is giving out more information than necessary.
If part of your dating objective is to find a new person with whom you might one day have sex, discussing your past relationships with other people is irrelevant to the date you are currently on.
Instead, focus on getting to know your date and finding common interests.
It’s important to establish a connection based on mutual attraction and shared values before diving into intimate details about your sexual history.
Complaining together about the loud jerk in the bar next to you, the strange cab driver, or the song you both detest can strengthen relationships.
However, if you’re constantly whining about your place of employment, your neighbors, and your friends, then you’re just a downer.
Listening to a close acquaintance air their grievances is never entertaining or enjoyable.
Keep it upbeat, and if you can’t, at least keep it light-hearted.
Angry-funny will at least result in chuckles rather than the tense chuckles that angry-bitter causes.
Your follower count
Maybe you’ve already shared information on social media before this date. You might have a sizable following on Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr.
Perhaps this isn’t something to brag about since it has the air of bragging about the number of sexual partners you’ve had or the time you won an award for dramatic interpretation in high school; anyone who would volunteer the information has a seriously misguided idea of what other people want to know about them.
I know social media is a big deal in today’s world, but it’s not the end all and be all of the world either. People have their own preferences on how social media rules people’s lives, so it’s important not to put your foot in your mouth.
Since there aren’t many topics that are less entertaining to discuss, it shouldn’t be difficult to avoid them.
But in reality, discussing finances on a first date is never appropriate, regardless of how much or little you have or how much you or your date make.
Even long-term couples find it challenging to talk about money because personal finances frequently elicit strong emotions.
Although it can begin lightly, this is risky ground.
For all you know, she has looked at the menu before arriving and picked out the cheapest meal she can afford, so if you stick your big foot in it and start talking about how much money you have – or don’t have – it could end up making you both feel awkward.
This one requires no explanation. Don’t do it at all.
Okay, here’s the explanation: if you only have negative things to say about your previous partner, your date may begin to wonder what the other side of the story is and may even imagine themselves in a conversation where you complain about them in the future.
If all you have to say is positive things, it might seem as though you’re still emotionally attached to your previous relationship and aren’t ready to move on. Lose-lose.
If you get asked about what happened to any previous relationships, a brief “it wasn’t working for either of us” is all you need to say.
You can get into the details on another date when you’re getting closer and establishing trust between the two of you.