Everyone makes mistakes. Things like not preparing for a test or giving a poor presentation may all be put behind us and fixed. But what if you say something wrong to your wife or girlfriend?
If you’ve ever said any of the things in this video, you probably quickly understood your mistake and wished you had the power of time travel so you could go back a few seconds and keep your mouth shut.
Friends, learn something from those of us who have gone before you. Even if you want to hurt her, do not ever say these words. In fact, do not ever mention these words at all.
Please don’t say these things
“You seem rather tired”
I appreciate you noticing. Yes, I’m sick. I’m sick of folks pointing out the Atlantic-sized bags beneath my eyes.
“You’re not like the other girls”
In reality, it’s just a way of saying, “Hey, most girls are lame and you’re not,” despite how charming it may seem on the surface. Bravo for you! A good variation on this might be to remark, “You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.” Most women don’t want to put other women down.
“You are like my Mother”
Isn’t your mother close to 50?
“I’m a feminist, by the way”
When it comes to male feminists, the same rule applies as stated by Margaret Thatcher: “Power is like being a lady. If you have to convince people you are, you aren’t.” Women are aware that, in the majority of cases, men who go about in pink hats and boast about being male feminists are only using this as a way to get a woman’s attention.
Real male feminists don’t need to publicize their gender politics all the time. Because they respect ladies, it’s just obvious.
“Do not take this the wrong way, but”
So, how am I expected to react at this point?
Women aren’t here to stroke your ego or lighten up your day, so make a funny face if you want me to smile.
“Are you having your period or something?”
No, but I might as well be right now as I’m going to walk off and leave you here alone in response to your comment.
“Out of all your friends, you are probably the hottest”
Yet another instance of something that appears to be flattering but is really quite sexist (unless the woman in question specifically asked this).
Saying anything like, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” or something similar, is OK, but putting a woman up against her friends, as if this were a beauty competition, is not the best course of action.
As a general rule, it’s never a good idea to praise one woman while criticizing another.
“What the heck are you wearing?”
Well, now that you mentioned it, congratulations, you’ll have to wait another two hours while I pick another outfit you’ll probably hate as well.
“I had no idea you were this smart”
When I first heard this from a man I had been dating for six months at the time I was admitted to Oxford, I was completely taken aback.
Since then, I’ve heard it several times. Like, what are we doing here if you didn’t think I was competent to begin with?
Am I supposed to be flattered that you were only interested in me for my looks? Do you typically date ladies that you don’t believe to have any real substance?
“Calm Down, I was only kidding”
Don’t tell me to relax, first of all, and second, are you sure it was just a joke and not a way for you to shade me without consequences? You could’ve fooled me.
“Oh, please, you obviously enjoy spending money on useless things”
If a girl says she doesn’t really like shopping most guys are pretty dumbfounded by that.
Most girls hate going shopping. Never assume that all women have an innate addiction to shoes.
On the other hand, if a woman does enjoy shopping, there is no reason to get indignant about it just because it isn’t a serious pastime like watching adult men wrestle for a ball.
“I’d really like to hook up with your friend”
Wow, what an adorable way to inform me that I’m the group’s ugly friend.
“Wow in your job must get a lot of attention”
It’s typical for a man to say something like this in professions where men are more prominent, and it initially comes off as harmless and nice.
But what you’re actually saying is that there was no other reason why people would have paid attention to her other than her looks.
“You are a really nice person”
What, you only saw my face and thought the rest of me was disgusting?
“That’s really impressive for a girl”
Although it’s widely agreed that saying anything like this in a professional setting is incredibly sexist. For some reason, many of the women I know who work in sports where males predominate (like skiing or boxing) still hear it frequently. It’s very insulting.
“You’re not one of those feminists, are you?”
Well, what if I was.
“My ex-girlfriends are all crazy”
Meaning when a woman finds me cheating and confronts me about it, I often lie about it and pretend that she is being overdramatic.
“Aren’t you done eating?”
I’ll tell you what. Sure, I am. But one last thing, I’m going to devour a full 12 slices of pizza without feeling guilty.
“It’s disgusting when girls curse”
Depending on your upbringing, even a supposedly “woke” person might give the impression that smoking, drinking, or cursing is extremely rude or ugly to women (but not men, obviously).
While being kind and polite is necessary for both sexes, it is not the responsibility of women to sustain the moral foundation of society. That is not our responsibility, and if it ever was, and if it ever was we would have definitely resigned.
“I liked your hair when it was longer”
Thank you very much for your unsolicited advice.
“You are such a girl”
You are never doing yourself any favors when you use the term “girl” to mean “lame.”
“You already have a gorgeous body; you don’t need to go to the gym”
This is another example of a classic comment that appears to be flattering but is in fact wrong on so many levels.
First of all, the majority of women go to gym either because they want good health, or they like the endorphin high associated with exercise, or both. Having a good rump has nothing to do with it.
Please don’t presume that everything ladies do in life is done to arouse your desire for them.
“I enjoy watching girls eat”
This is one of those expressions that men wrongly believe is progressive since it appears to imply that women should not starve themselves.
However, the truth is that when a woman is overweight, men never mention this. Only those who embody the infamous “cool chick chic”, those who can smother their lips in buffalo wings and conveniently retain a size 2—utter it.
“You’re still not married?”
Actually, you’re condoning the incredibly sexist concept that a woman’s lack of a partner is the reason she’s single. If I’m so attractive, intelligent, or fantastic, it stands to reason that I’m single because I’m choosy and have the means to be. I have options, therefore, I am alone by choice.
How then might gendered language be avoided in favor of more inclusive language that helps not only women but all equity-seeking groups as a whole?
Be genuine, honest, and courteous, and the conversation will likely begin in no time. Tell her if you want to continue the chat if the time comes! You may let her know how you truly feel by asking her out on a real or virtual date. Keep in mind that sometimes words aren’t as powerful as actions!
Be respectful and dignified with women as you would other people.
Simply smile, nod, and say hello to a woman if you wish to greet her. Do not blow kisses, honk your horn, or whistle at her. The phrases “Hey baby” and “Hi cutie” are insulting and improper when spoken with a total stranger.