We’ve all been in a situation where we may not know how to execute ourselves in the best manner and then we hesitate. It happens to us all, and in the dating world, it is no different.
Even if we don’t like to admit it, stepping into unknown territory and trying to navigate yourself through a bar on a Friday night to pick up a lovely lady can be very intimidating. It’s important to know that everyone feels the same, even if they look as cool as a cucumber – that includes you, fellas, drop the bruised ego and admit it.
I think it’s safe for everyone to admit that they do not know what women want, even the women. Sometimes they want you to go away but they want you to hug them. Sorry, what? It’s one of the things; you’re walking through a forest following a compass and then it all of a sudden it spins the opposite way and now you’re lost!
One of the biggest fears that come to mind when trying to ask a woman out on a date is the fear of rejection. Maybe you’ve misunderstood the signals and she doesn’t want to talk to you, what do you do? Well, I’ll tell you what you do – nothing. I have found these rejection-proof ways to approach a woman, bag that first date, and have her eating out of the palm of your hand.
My rejection proof way to approach women
Eye contact is one of, if not the most important aspects of communication you can use.
Making eye contact with whomever you’re talking to not only lets them know that you’re fully engaged in the conversation, and they have your undivided attention but also shows your interest in what is being discussed. This allows them to feel more comfortable around you and open up more.
The perfect tool when you’re getting to know a woman is wanting to take her out on a date.
To certify that a woman wants you to approach her is by using the two glance and smile method.
Step 1: Have a look around the room, sip your drink and then glance at the lady of interest. She didn’t look back? Trust me, she knows
Step 2: Repeat the process again and if you catch her eye, smile.
Step 3: She will smile back and then look away after a few seconds – you’ve caught her attention!
Make the first move
Once you have established that you’ve caught her attention and she has smiled at you, it’s now time to make the first move. Even if she has initiated eye contact first, a woman is more likely to wait for you to make the first move.
So, grab your drink, keep eye contact with her as you walk over, and introduce yourself with a friendly smile. Top tip, keep the cheesy chat-up lines in your head. I noticed you looking at me from across the room and thought I should come and introduce myself. Without knowing the lady you’re talking to and how she is going to take your humour, it’s best to stick to hey my name is Connor how are you doing?
Just as an extra tip, when you are approaching a woman, make sure you’re in eye view of her. Make sure she can see you coming, she’s made eye contact and she’s aware you’re on your way over.
Don’t approach from behind or anywhere that might cause her a fright. It’s very common for women to be on high alert when they’re out and about given how unsafe some men can make them feel, please be mindful of that.
The last thing you want to do is to scare her before you’ve even had time to talk to her. That’s not how we want to get her heart pumping!
When initiating a conversation with a woman, it is very important to smile as it will settle her nerves.
Smiling gives off a friendly vibe and is warming and welcoming. She will mirror your smile and instantly feel less nervous before she’s even spoken to you. It is true what they say, you’re never fully dressed without a smile. A smile can go a long way!
Body language is the biggest giveaway of how someone is feeling and what they’re thinking, especially if they’re not telling you how they feel. If you can take note of the little things, it will help you navigate your way around a situation, without putting your foot in your mouth.
Women are very vocal about how intimidated they feel when they are approached by men they don’t know. The fear of the unknown is very much at the forefront of their minds. Their brain instantly tells them they’re being approached by a serial killer and they’re the next victim – or worse, a creepy guy from across the bar who can’t read the room and won’t go away!
Make sure you acknowledge her body language as you approach her. Try to keep your body language open and friendly, so she doesn’t feel intimidated.
Arms: If her arms are crossed over her chest then she feels closed off and protective of herself, almost as if she is protecting her heart
Knees: When a woman is engaged in the conversation then her knees will point towards you (if she is sitting down, of course)
Bowed head: If her gaze doesn’t meet yours or her chin is tucked down, she is subconsciously closed off. Open body language means open mind.
When you are speaking to a woman you must maintain a little distance between the two of you, so she doesn’t feel overpowered. If you’re standing and she is smaller than you, you will be standing over her. The last thing you want is for her to feel like you’re talking down to her.
First impressions are very important, and it is very difficult to guestimate other people’s boundaries.
So, to be safe, a little 2-foot space between the two of you allows her to feel comfortable around you and still have her personal space.
This one is something to live by – you should always treat others how you would like to be treated.
Regardless of your position or theirs, everyone you come in contact with should receive the same level of manners.
A woman loves a man with manners. It says a lot about how you were raised and how you value other people. It shows you’re not stuck up and think you’re above others, major turn-off!
The way you speak to a woman, your hand gestures and body language, and how you speak to others in her presence say a lot about you as a person.
I know it might sound like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people forget their manners when they’re trying to impress someone.
- Please and thank you – do not underestimate how far these phrases can go.
- Small gestures – An example of a small gesture is pulling her chair out for her if you’re going to dinner, or holding her hand to cross the road. Those gentlemen-like gestures go a long way. Also, you could ask if she would like you to order for her as some women have anxiety about first dates, eating, and talking to people they don’t know. Don’t be offended if she says no, some women are strong-minded.
- Introduce yourself – leave the cheesy phrases to the creepy guy across the bar. Introduce yourself nice and simple like “Hey, nice to meet you, how are you?”. Then you can get a feel for her sense of humour before you get into the conversation.
Now, of course, these tips won’t work for every woman you come into contact with – as shocking as it might be to you fellas, women don’t all collectively think the same way.
But as an outline, these tips are tried and tested to help separate you from the crowd. Not as bad as you thought it would be, is it?
These small changes you make will have a woman feeling more relaxed around you which in turn will enable you to get to know each other better and move forward.
Long gone is the fear of rejection, and here comes the confidence train. However, be careful you don’t come across as too confident – cocky! That’s a mood killer and I can guarantee her eyes will roll so far to the back of her head that she may not be able to see ever again.
So, when you’re next at the bar on a Friday night, or you’re on your daily errands and spot a lovely lady you’d like to ask out on a date, consider these tips and see if she does match your energy.
Does she smile back? Are her arms relaxed and not crossed? Has she made eye contact? You’re in there! Happy dating!