Have you ever heard of a backburner relationship? It’s been described by researchers as “a person to whom one is not now committed, and with whom one maintains some level of connection in order to keep or build the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual engagement.”
So, if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and your girlfriend never mentions you to her friends or family, hate to break it to you buddy but it’s a great sign that you are just sadly an option to her.
To avoid being strung along, here are signs to know that you are just an option to her.
Signs You Are An Option To Her
They want full control of all plans
The majority of the time, arrangements are made while visiting each other. This can suggest that before making any arrangements with you, your partner considers all of the options. Because they have no other options, they just choose to hang around with you.
Since there aren’t many alternatives for more thrilling activities, you’ll probably spend the most of your time indoors.
They continuously ask about your goals, although, once informed, they hardly make any changes,
This allows them to know they have a backup plan in case all else fails.
They extend and withdraw invitations
They arrange to have dinner with you on a Saturday night. You’ve let your buddies know about the hot date you’re going on. However, you’re still waiting for the information on Saturday morning.
You still don’t know where you’re going or when they’ll pick you up. They phone a couple of hours before you’re meant to leave and say they have to cancel because of an emergency.
It turns out that there wasn’t an emergency. They just decided they want to go out with their friends instead. They also didn’t try and re-arrange the date.
They also like calling you at the last-minute because someone else cancelled on them. Sometimes they’ll even have the audacity to say so.
They don’t make you feel appreciated
It’s likely that despite your efforts in the relationship, you don’t feel as though you are valued. For instance, you pay attention and make time to ensure that you will be present whenever she displays a great desire to do anything.
Whether it’s going to see her favorite band or a movie she’s excited to see, you make an effort to make sure that her requests, wants, and needs are given priority. You still believe that you are not getting the same in return, though.
They don’t appear to be thrilled to see you
I once invited a person that I liked to an event for which I had pricey tickets. He kept dodging, claiming that he had other plans for the weekend. It was planned months in advance.
Each time I brought it up, he gave an excuse. When I finally got the hint, I just invited another person, who was eager to go out with me. That was a costly lesson, one that I will never forget.
It’s a red flag when someone isn’t thrilled to meet you. A warning sign is if they do not make an effort to schedule time with you. They would figure out a way to make it work if they really care.
If their eyes don’t light up as you come into a room, you’ll know. You’re someone they know, not someone who shakes their world.
You put in the most effort
Whether it’s making the first move, going on the first date, or defining the relationship, you are always the one putting in the most effort.
If your partner never calls or messages you first, never responds to your texts for an extended period of time, or never initiates plans, you should be concerned.
Second, people only respond or try to communicate when they are in need.
They have a terrible attitude towards you if you don’t answer to them straight away, even if you are truly busy at work.
They don’t talk about you
They discuss other individuals. They’ll always chat about other people or people that they like when you’re out with them. They’ll bring up that other person in discussion more than once.
You’ll begin to experience third-person syndrome.
They’ll continuously bring up their ex and make comparisons between you and them.
That’s because they’re thinking about their lost ex and not about you.
They treat you poorly
There is some validity to the saying “love is blind.” When we genuinely care about someone, we want to see their greatest qualities.
This may lead us to try to excuse or explain our partner’s behavior, even when it is hurting us.
You don’t deserve to be mistreated or treated with such disdain if your partner repeatedly lets you down—for example, by missing your birthday or set dinner dates with family and friends—and then, when you attempt to bring it up to them, they disregard your worries.
They’re always preoccupied
Nothing is more infuriating than spending the entire evening with someone who is smiling and gazing at their phone. They love that phone more than you.
They want you to repeat yourself since they didn’t hear a word you said when they were sending SMS all night.
They leave you alone at the table as they get up to take a phone call.
Their friends could drop by when you’re out on a date at the most exquisite restaurant. They will ask them to draw up chairs and say, “Sit with us.” The rest of the evening will be spent with her talking to her friends while they ignore you.
Their future plans of your partner don’t include you
Since you are building a future together in a relationship, the least you can hope for is to be informed of any important choices they may be considering.
However, it is a massive red flag that you are not your partner’s first priority if she repeatedly makes important decisions—whether they involve her job, her health, or her family—without even asking for your input.
If you feel like the last person to learn about your partner’s intentions, such as her recent work promotion or her upcoming move, being kept out of the loop may be quite upsetting and even embarrassing.
They are either too into you or not at all
Someone will be hot and cold with you if they aren’t completely into you.
You’ll have a great time together, and just when you think they might be feeling the same way, they’ll back off.
You’ll be perplexed by what occurred. You’ll question what went wrong.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. They were preoccupied with persons who held more fascination for them than you did.
They paid you sufficient attention to keep you in the waiting area. After all, they could become bored in a week or two and want a date.
In the worst-case scenario, they pull away from you after meeting someone else that they’re smitten with.
They don’t take things seriously
When women see the potential in a nice guy, they’ll want to approach him seriously. They could open up to you, discuss the future. She will open up and let her guard down to show you that she is a genuine person and not just a sexual object.
She may be keeping her options open by seeing a number of men but not getting too close to any of them.
She avoids seeing you in public and refuses to let you meet her friends or family, but if she won’t talk about her emotions or anything else in particular, it suggests that she isn’t yet ready to commit.
It’s time to come to your senses. Once in a while, you come to the realization that you are too precious to be spending your time in this kind of circumstance. You come to the realization that the relationship, no matter how much you love it, will never work.
Why be a space filler and waste your valuable time meeting someone on their terms? You may meet the love of your life, if you let them go. Continue seeing them if you’re willing to be an option and want to keep seeing them. You deserve more than that, as we both know.