Why Am I Single? - This Is What Keeps 99% Of People Single (Psychology)

Why Am I Single? – This Is What Keeps 99% Of People Single (Psychology)

People spend a lot of time complaining about being single, but they normally never think about why they might be single.

Instead they continue doing the things they have always done, hoping that someone will magically come along.

If you have been single for a while and you are wondering why, then this is for you. 

This is why you might be single!

You don’t go out much

Do you spend a lot of time at home or at work?

Too much time away from other people puts you at risk of missing out on potential opportunities.

The majority of people meet their partners when they are out for coffee or in a bar. If you are inside all the time playing video games then you are far less likely to meet the love of your life.

You don’t need to be out every night but saying yes to social events will help you meet more people, make more connections and potentially find a partner.

Next time you decline an invite to an after-work hang, think again! You never know who you might meet. 

Being defensive 

You are constantly on the defensive. Nothing is your fault, and you won’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

If someone who might be a potential partner says anything that might upset you, you instantly become defensive. This is really tiring for the other person, and it will deter someone early on from committing to you.

A woman wants a man that will admit when he is wrong and own up to his mistakes.

When you act in a defensive manner it tells her that you are not like this. Instead of waiting around for you to change, she will simply move on. 

You have not moved on from your ex

It’s so obvious when you have not moved on from your ex.

You start comparing other people you meet to them, you say their name by mistake and every example you give includes them.

No one wants to live in someone else’s shadow. They want to be with someone that really loves them and only them.

No one will commit to you and you will stay single if they think you are still hung up on your ex. Before trying to get someone new, heal from your ex. 

Having unhealthy attractions 

If you are constantly going for the same type of person, someone that displays destructive behavior for example, it will become obvious to others that this is what you want.

Why would you go for them otherwise?

When the relationship breaks down, you might come into contact with people who like you but they might not feel as though they are your type simply because of the people you have dated in the past.

It’s important that you address this before you get a reputation for having unhealthy attractions. 

A fear of intimacy

Most people have experienced this at some point in their lives.

They are scared to get close to someone, to open up to them and be vulnerable. This is fine, it is when it becomes something that you carry into every relationship that it becomes a problem.

Anyone that is interested in you will stop trying if you display a prolonged fear of intimacy.

They might think you are hiding something from them or that you don’t trust them.

You also risk getting a reputation for sleeping around and never committing when you have a fear of intimacy.

It might seem scary but if you can work on this, you’ll notice that you won’t be single for much longer. 

You are nick-picky  

You pick on everything that people around you do. Choices they make, clothes they wear and even what they wear.

You are also super selective when it comes to who you will and will not date. You have super high expectations from your partner which leaves them always falling short and your relationships failing.

You might always blame them but if you take a long, hard look at yourself, you will realize that it is you.

Try not to think of yourself as better than anyone, remember that no one is perfect including you and try to be open minded when you are dating. This will help attract people to you. 

Low-self esteem 

If you have been single for a long time it is understandable that you might develop low self-esteem.

You might be wondering what that means or what that looks like. Well low self-esteem is when you don’t think very highly of yourself.

You might notice that you lack confidence and are constantly putting yourself down. This is because you don’t think you deserve anything, especially love from another person.

Having low self-esteem destroys your chances of winning someone over. If you don’t think you are worth it, why would they?

It might sound harsh but it’s true. Low self-esteem is something you can work on and overcome so that you can enjoy more of your life. 

High-self esteem 

On the opposite side of the spectrum, you have high self-esteem.

Now I have just spoken about how important it is to have self-esteem and to value yourself. This is all true but if you have too much self-esteem then it can become extreme. That is when you can become over confident and cocky.

You might start to believe that you are too good for anyone you meet, leaving you single.

You need to realize that no one is perfect and that includes you.  

Fear of competition 

Are you scared of competing for someone? Let’s imagine, you have met someone you really like but someone else is also showing an interest in them.

Do you pull away because you don’t want to compete, or do you just continue with the competition and see how far you get?

If you always pull away then you will never win anyone over.

The chances are even if you don’t know about it, someone you have liked has also been liked by someone else at the same time.

Be willing to take the risk so that you have a chance of winning. 

You are too mysterious 

Being mysterious is actually something that women love in a man. They love the chase of finding out everything about a man. There is a line through of how mysterious you should be.

If you are too mysterious, you risk people losing interest in you.

They would rather date someone they knew a little about and plus most women don’t trust a man that is too mysterious.

You can be mysterious and use it as a tool to get women but just don’t overdo it and become someone no one really knows. 

Isolation and routine 

It is good to have a routine. In fact, if you have one, you are probably far more productive than most other people. It only becomes a problem if you are too rigid with you.

For example maybe a friend asks you if you want to go to a pub quiz but it’s on a Monday and you never like to go out on a Monday night, it’s part of your routine. So, you say no.

When your friend is telling you all about the pub quiz that you missed out on he mentions that there were a lot of girls there.

If you had gone, you might have met a girl but because you stuck to your routine, you missed out on the opportunity.

The same goes for insolation. It’s very easy to stay indoors and do nothing. You need to be careful not to become too isolated so that you do go out and meet other people. 

You are too independent 

Independence on a whole is a good thing. Sometimes when people have been single for a long time they become really independent.

They do everything for themselves and don’t rely on anyone else.

From the outside it looks like you don’t need or want anyone else coming into your life and messing things up for you. So, anyone who might be interested stays away.

Sometimes you need to let someone pay for your dinner on a date or pick you up in their car. It’s these little things which show others you have room for them in your life.

When you are in a relationship with someone, it is a partnership, they want to know that you will both be able to rely on each other. 


You have a lot of rules and expectations on anyone you might potentially date.

You expect them not to go out very much, to look and act a certain way. These rules are not something you can enforce on someone.

They make you look controlling. People will avoid dating you because they don’t want these rules enforced on them.

You might want to have some level of control but inventing rules and expectations is a step too far and should be avoided. Once you stop, you’ll also stop being single. 

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